Dear Santa… (2017 edition)
It’s been a year since I sent you a letter. I wasn’t sure how to reach you this year. You know there are chatbots everywhere these days and when I saw your “SantaBot”, I decided to try it. And trust me; I tried to reach you through your chatbot, but I am still getting, “Can you rephrase the question?” “I don’t understand that,” or, “Ho, ho, ho.” I thought it would be more advanced that other chatbots on the market. I also tried Twitter, but even if they doubled the number of permitted characters, it would still not be enough to squeeze a letter into one message. Plus I am worried that my tweet would be considered fake news and you would never see it.
As you can see, I don’t have a clue when your chat bot is going to work properly, so this year I chose to send a letter again, I hope you are OK with the “old way” of communication. I tried to use some modern things and because everybody is talking about millennials I was trying to write my letter in emoji, but the result would look like this: ?? ? ?? ? ? ?. And I don’t know if you or your elves speak that language, but I was worried that you might also reply to me in the same way and I would need to spend hours to decrypt that.
You are fulfilling the dreams of many children, but, hey, we adults also believe in miracles, at least I do. I am sure you are getting similar requests from others too but, don’t worry, I don’t want the new Tesla or iPhone X. I only have a few small wishes and not all of them are for me, some are also for others.
I know you can make some of them reality, at least I believe you can.
As you know, many things happened during this year and some of them were really amazing so this year I don’t have any special wish like last year. I am kind of sure that after so many years of requesting real lightsaber from you, I will not get it any time soon.
So these are my small wishes that I have for this Christmas.
My friend Tom has stopped speaking with our friend Oleg because Oleg is posting so much nonsense on LinkedIn (Tom’s words). So I thought that it would be great if you could bring Tom and me some Chrome plugins that will hide all Oleg’s posts from our LinkedIn stream. We still would like to be friends with Oleg, but he turned into a “LIKEoholic” and blocked Tom because he gave him honest feedback and didn’t hit the “Like” under his latest post. I just don’t want to see the duplicate posts and three times per day that he has been posting over the past few months. We all are afraid that he will turn LinkedIn into a tabloid, so this is our wish. “Do you agree ?”
My old friend Donald is a fan of the Bob the Builder show and I thought it would be great to get him the new “Built the wall” special edition as a gift. He is a special person and my friends believe that this should keep him busy for a few months and keep us and him in a better mood. And it would be better for him to play with that gift because he is spending so much time on the internet that he could be an internet addict very soon.
I would like to get a few of my recruitment friends a cloning machine (or some amazing 3D printer). Maybe you are asking why, but the answer is simple. They were chatting about how they are doing HR and Recruitment differently, but I still did not find out how; I asked but never got an answer. You can do a good job or a bad job, but what they mean by “doing it differently” is still a mystery to me. And that’s why I want to help them and cloning people will finally solve the “we are doing that differently” part for ever.
And what do I really want?
Santa, this is my very old wish but I hope this year you can make this reality. If you can help cancel the TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians and get Firefly back that would be great! Or you can replace that show with How to Find a Job with the Kardashians because that could be a much more interesting show than Top Recruiter.
I hope you are not going to give me socks again; a new yoga mat would be a better option at least for a yoga beginner like me. I would like, as every year, to get a real lightsaber; I know I am repeating myself again. But maybe you already forgot that. And I don’t want to blackmail you, but this is your last chance! Next year, I am really going to start my letter, “Dear Mr. Elon Musk,” because he is turning crazy ideas into reality, and he will get me the lightsaber sooner than you.
But, as you and I know, you will bring me socks again. At least this year try to bring yoga socks.
And don’t worry, I didn’t forget you! I was kind of worried about you this year because you are a Canadian citizen (Canada Post lies within the Canadian jurisdiction with the postal code H0H 0H0) and you also wear a long beard, so I wasn’t sure that you would still be allowed on US soil and this could ruin the holiday for all the kids out there. That’s why my wish for you is to get a green card, so you can legally work in the US. Don’t you think it’s time to get it after all these years that you’ve illegally worked there?
Btw. I saw the negative reviews on Glassdoor that recently popped up there. I think we all will find out very soon that all these bad reviews were posted by your competitors. My guess that Ded Moroz is trying to get your CEO role on North Pole. But don’t worry about him; you are still my “Person of the Year”.
Happy holidays to you and your elves and let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions be louder than your words.
Enjoy the Holiday Season!
Your biggest lifelong fan,
P.S.: Are you open for a new job opportunity? Yes, you should expect this question from a recruiter, I had to ask. 🙂
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